University was meant to be the best three years of my life according to hearsay and although it wasn't I can acknowledge that in addition to my degree, I left with many life lessons and had become very self-aware. It was during my final year that I had come to the conclusion that despite consciously trying to be an open-minded and a decent human being, there was just something unlikable about me and I was branded as being 'standoffish'.
In hindsight I can see that I allowed other people's actions to shape how I saw myself which is very dangerous. See, there's not much danger in being unlikeable, not in this case anyway. However, there is danger in seeking validation from people who shouldn't matter. From people who despite false pretenses are unsure of themselves.
So what did I do when I had become aware of the 'unlikable' stench that followed me? Well, I tried to make my personality more digestible, I pretended to be fine with things I wasn't fine with, I let things slide that I shouldn't have, I compromised myself. Why? In an attempt to dispel a perception of me that I deemed as inaccurate and negative. But in the end, it wasn't worth it. I couldn't sway the minds of people who were determined to misunderstand me. And do you know what? That's okay because their opinions of me did not have to become my reality. I am by no means a bad person, I don't have a bad heart but for a long time, I thought otherwise.
With a few shady comments here and there, I began to doubt myself. Why couldn't I have a more tolerable personality? Why couldn't people just take to me? These questions plagued my mind for a while until one day I realised that this is no accident. I am not an accident, I believe that I was designed for greatness. My inquisitiveness (which some deem as me being extra) has taken me far in life. My sensitivity that I had been socialised to scorn is a trait I am slowly embracing and interpreting as compassion. And I honestly think the world could do with a lot more of that.
And so I learned that my quirks serve a purpose and anyone who wants to ostracise me because of my quirks does not deserve to bask in my presence anyway which is why I no longer go where I am tolerated but instead celebrated.
In hindsight I can see that I allowed other people's actions to shape how I saw myself which is very dangerous. See, there's not much danger in being unlikeable, not in this case anyway. However, there is danger in seeking validation from people who shouldn't matter. From people who despite false pretenses are unsure of themselves.
So what did I do when I had become aware of the 'unlikable' stench that followed me? Well, I tried to make my personality more digestible, I pretended to be fine with things I wasn't fine with, I let things slide that I shouldn't have, I compromised myself. Why? In an attempt to dispel a perception of me that I deemed as inaccurate and negative. But in the end, it wasn't worth it. I couldn't sway the minds of people who were determined to misunderstand me. And do you know what? That's okay because their opinions of me did not have to become my reality. I am by no means a bad person, I don't have a bad heart but for a long time, I thought otherwise.
And so I learned that my quirks serve a purpose and anyone who wants to ostracise me because of my quirks does not deserve to bask in my presence anyway which is why I no longer go where I am tolerated but instead celebrated.
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