20 lessons learned in 20 years

As I approach what is meant to be a milestone age I thought it would be a good to idea to reflect on what I've learnt these past twenty years. So here it goes...

1. Protect your peace of mind at all costs.
 Forget about being polite at the expense of your mental health, don't worry about explaining
 yourself to people who couldn't give a toss anyway.

2. Friends can break your heart too.

Like India Arie said "One shot to your heart without breaking your skin, no one has the power to hurt you like your friends".

3. What someone else thinks of you is none of your business. 

Some people are just hellbent on misunderstanding you and that's their problem. 

4. Believe in yourself and what you say.
Regardless of who disputes it, regardless of how confidently someone tells you that your idea won't work. Take the plunge and see for yourself.

5. Fake it until you become it.
As sad as it is image is really important in this world and people associate you with what they see on your social media, so if you want to be a blogger make sure your Instagram reflects it. Wanna be a DJ? Plaster your mixes everywhere!

6. How someone treats you is nothing to do with you. 
I honestly believe that you can tell someone is insecure not only by the way they talk about themselves but the way they also talk about others. Their toxicity is a reflection of how they feel about themselves not you, so remember that before you let their words hurt you.

7. Don't over exaggerate your importance in someone's life.
This was a painful lesson for me but it was necessary nonetheless. Never assume, let their actions show you how much you mean to them....which brings me on to my next lesson...

8. Actions speak louder than words.
No matter what someone says, no matter how much conviction they use - remember that many people have a habit of saying one thing and doing another.

9. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
That red flag? Pay attention to it. Spot another one? Now it looks like there might be a trend...
Now not everyone is a good judge of character (myself included) but the thing is masks can only last for so long before they start to slip and true colours are revealed and when that does happen don't start acting colour blind - seeing is believing and if someone is showing you signs that they aren't who you thought they were, you better believe them.

10. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel.

Your feelings are valid. Your feelings matter and if you think something is deep, then it is deep. If something hurt you, then it's a problem and don't listen to anyone who says any different.

11. Settling is self-sabotage.

Excusing your own toxic behaviour and poor character traits as "that's just the way I am" is pathetic. You have the opportunity to better yourself and instead, you're just limiting your own growth.

12. You are not entitled to anyone's forgiveness.

People change. People grow. People make mistakes and people learn from them. And although we grow and we may cringe or be ashamed of our former selves, the reality is you can't erase the past and that also goes for how your actions may have affected others. Just because you're a changed person and may be sorry for how you've acted towards people it does not mean you are entitled to their forgiveness. All you can do is take responsibility, apologise and do better in the future.

13. Don't assume.

Stop assuming that girl you see on your explore page on Instagram has the perfect life with no problems. Stop assuming that your friend is always good because they're the 'strong one' who 'keeps everything together'. Stop assuming that someone is gonna be a certain way because of how they look.

14. Being unapologetic is revolutionary.

So many of us claim that we don't care about what others think but from my own observations most of us do to some extent and I reckon that this may even be human nature...to care about the opinions of others. Whether that means you won't wear your pyjama's in public because you don't want people to think you're a tramp. Whether that means you put yourself in uncomfortable situations for the sake of others because you don't want to seem like a bad person. But at the end of the day trying to cater to someone else will always cost you, whether it's your peace of mind or your beliefs and values and honestly, it's not worth it. To really and I mean really not care AT ALL about what people think is revolutionary in a society which is actually obsessed with impressing one another. 

15. Self-growth requires stepping out of your comfort zone.

Einstein (apparently) described doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results as insanity. How do you ever expect to gain more than what you currently have if you're not willing to do something that you've never done? Greatness is on the other side of fear and we can all achieve it. It's not a God-like quality that only a few of us will ever taste, it resides in all of us. You just have to be willing to throw yourself into the unknown.

16. Humans are hypocrites.

This ties into lesson number 14. Someone will scorn you for something today and then go do the same thing tomorrow which is why you will kill yourself trying to impress others. Not only are humans hypocrites, a lot of us are straight up haters. We're scared to go for something ourselves but we will have the most to say about someone else who's just trying to live their best life.

17. Intent isn't everything.

Sometimes we offend others without realising, we put our foot in it, we just don't think things through - regardless of whether this is the case, it doesn't absolve impact. If someone tells you, you've offended them - listen to them, try and understand their perspective so you can do better next time. And when apologising, don't you ever say 'I'm sorry that you feel...' No, no no. That's not an apology, that's just you being a waste man.

18. It's okay to change.

Two years ago you said that you don't agree with XYZ and now you're posting threads about it on Twitter, which is fine. We grow as people and we change. No one is born woke or whatever, we can only become better people by learning and experiencing.

19. Expectations will leave you heartbroken.

This image you've constructed of how things are meant to be is probably doing more harm than good. Thinking that you'll automatically experience 'happiness' once you accomplish something or reach a certain destination is lowkey detrimental. What happens if you never reach that place or you don't achieve that special thing anytime soon. Live in the moment and try and find happiness in it. You could be gone tomorrow and you would have never really lived because you were always waiting on something that never came.

21. When it's time, it's time.

Something I've always struggled with is patience. I want to lose weight and I want to lose weight yesterday. I want to be successful and it needs to happen in the next couple of hours lol. Have you ever put your all and I mean all into something and it just flopped? Probably found it disheartening and it put you off from trying again, right? Well it shouldn't, maybe it just wasn't the right time. Maybe you didn't have the right skills, maybe you weren't doing it for the right reasons, maybe you're heart wasn't in it. You need to find your why. Why are you trying to lose weight? Why do you want to start a YouTube channel? Of course the answers will differ depending on the question but your why  should always revolve around you and bish when it does? When you really find your why, then it's go time.

And there we have it 20 lessons in 20 years. 

Now if you're still here and you read through all of them, you the real mvp. I know most of these may seem generic but honestly you can hear some advice or cheesy phrase 100 times and it doesn't mean much but when you go through an experience that drills certain things into your head, that's when you really feel that cheesy quote, That's when you really understand that bit of advice your mom would give you.