I am tired. Exhausted even. Someday, somehow I decided I would aboard the journey of what they call self-love. And though it looks promising, as the symptoms include happiness, fulfillment and self-acceptance.
The doctor's note failed to inform me of the side effects that come with it, tiredness. The tiredness that comes from battling over and over with your insecurities. The tiredness you feel from trying to unlearn the ugly lessons and principles that society has drilled into you. Oh and let's not forget the self-doubt, trying to instill new lessons, new values into yourself is difficult when the old, toxic ones are constantly perpetuated.
The Oxford dictionary defines 'love' as an intense feeling of deep affection, a great interest and pleasure in something. I interpret this as one may go through hardship but is still able to love, one may go through obstacles but is still able to love. Essentially, self-love can't be acquired easily...the saying "easy come, easy go" comes to mind. Self-love is indeed acquired through reflecting and finding the root of your insecurities, facing your demons and embracing your flaws. Revisiting dark times and moving on from them. In fact, acquiring a love for oneself can even be painful, so why even try? you ask. Well, "In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act."
But If you google how to practice self-love, the results will tell you it's throwing yourself a bath. They tell you self-love is applying a facial mask. They tell you self-love is having a milkshake. They don't tell you that self-love is tiring. They don't tell you self-love is painful.
They don't tell you that self-love is bloody damn hard. And that it is indeed a journey, self-love can't be acquired overnight. Imagine if years of trauma could be reversed in the blink of an eye? Now that would be amazing. Amazing but unrealistic. In fact, the biggest lesson I have learned is that the journey to self-love is an extremely slow and meticulous one which is not linear at all. It has its inconsistencies, it's contradictions and it can be very complex as you find yourself moving two steps forward and then seven steps back. And although I find myself drained of energy and motivation as I embark on this journey, something in the back of mind tells me it will all be worth it in the end.
The doctor's note failed to inform me of the side effects that come with it, tiredness. The tiredness that comes from battling over and over with your insecurities. The tiredness you feel from trying to unlearn the ugly lessons and principles that society has drilled into you. Oh and let's not forget the self-doubt, trying to instill new lessons, new values into yourself is difficult when the old, toxic ones are constantly perpetuated.
The Oxford dictionary defines 'love' as an intense feeling of deep affection, a great interest and pleasure in something. I interpret this as one may go through hardship but is still able to love, one may go through obstacles but is still able to love. Essentially, self-love can't be acquired easily...the saying "easy come, easy go" comes to mind. Self-love is indeed acquired through reflecting and finding the root of your insecurities, facing your demons and embracing your flaws. Revisiting dark times and moving on from them. In fact, acquiring a love for oneself can even be painful, so why even try? you ask. Well, "In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act."
But If you google how to practice self-love, the results will tell you it's throwing yourself a bath. They tell you self-love is applying a facial mask. They tell you self-love is having a milkshake. They don't tell you that self-love is tiring. They don't tell you self-love is painful.
They don't tell you that self-love is bloody damn hard. And that it is indeed a journey, self-love can't be acquired overnight. Imagine if years of trauma could be reversed in the blink of an eye? Now that would be amazing. Amazing but unrealistic. In fact, the biggest lesson I have learned is that the journey to self-love is an extremely slow and meticulous one which is not linear at all. It has its inconsistencies, it's contradictions and it can be very complex as you find yourself moving two steps forward and then seven steps back. And although I find myself drained of energy and motivation as I embark on this journey, something in the back of mind tells me it will all be worth it in the end.
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